I have to say, I’m pretty liberal, and even an atheist, some of my ideas are unconventional. But this situation seems way over the top in terms of prioritizing your philosophies over your daughter’s mental health. Slut-shaming really sucks, but it’s still alive and well in this world, and kids are cruel. She has to try and fit in and be normal in school or face being ostracized. She was probably absolutely mortified to be associated with this type of thing, she’s just a kid! YTA. I’m genuinely astounded by how disconnected from reality you are. Your SIL did not have her privacy invaded, she gave it up for money. Your child is the primary victim of this and will be getting harassed at school, then has to come home to being told everything is fine. Instead of moral grandstanding why don’t you actually try and support your child?
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I am honestly concerned your kid might try and harm themselves. They’ve expressed their feelings to you and you’ve punished them for it, they get harassed at school, they can’t vent online? You need to seriously reconsider your priorities. It was extreme for you to ground her for three months, though it was and is wrong for her to use that language/to take her anger out on her aunt. She owes her an apology, but she shouldn’t be forced to do so because apologies are useless if you don’t mean it. You should definitely apologize for punishing her instead of trying to educate her about misogyny and slut-shaming. ESH. That type of language shouldn’t be tolerated period.
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But the punishment seems harsh for the crime. I don’t know how long your daughter has been dealing with this (from your post it sounds like several weeks) but she has is naturally angry at the situation. I know you have tried speaking with her, but you might use the grounding as an opportunity to have more conversations about whether or not you should move schools, why she is being punished and the language she used, etc. More focused on her than on her accepting your SIL. Seriously though. You 14 y.o daughter was unknowingly friends with a porn star on Facebook. And since she appeared to have a good relationship with her aunt chances are she mentioned her often in conversations. And now this shit comes out and your surprised that your kid is devasted, crushed, totally blindsided. She’s the girl who’s friend with a porn star. That’s who she is now and it’s not gonna go away.
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