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You are the absolute asshole here, and it blows my mind that this is even a question. Your daughter sounds like she’s going to be an amazingly strong woman who will be an amazingly loyal wife and an amazingly guiding mother because at just 14, she understands self-respect and standing up for her opinions, even in the face of those who can (and in this case, did) do her harm in some way or another. You would rather she bite her tongue and meekly comply with her authority figure. You’d rather she support the pornographic exploitation of women that she sees her male classmates build expectations around — after all.

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This whole thing started because a 14-year-old boy was such a grizzled veteran of porn that he recognized your site — then speak her mind. You’d rather your daughter be quiet, meek, and subservient to authority. Brushing off the impact of the things happening in her life, talking at her but not with her, a total lack of empathy or ability to see things from her perspective. And of course, at the same time expecting/demanding these things from your daughter. Then, of course, handing out draconian punishments when your bull in a china shop approach pushed her into a corner and an inevitable emotional outburst.

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Good luck getting her to talk to you about anything after this, even after you backpedal on the grounding. I mean honestly why would she? Much safer to keep you out of the loop. No one likes getting shit on twice. Dealing with your child like this is exactly why I do not speak to my mom anymore. And a bit of speculation for you. I wonder if her using those words is her internalizing them (hearing them from classmates likely) for self-defense (among a host of other things already stated.) If she tries to defend her aunt, she would probably take double the shit. Using these words and the attitude behind them may be a last-ditch effort to salvage any sort of reputation. In short, a distancing technique?

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