YTA. Why would you not tell your daughter? Do you not Official School Bus Driver Life Sunflower Shirt how kids are especially at that age? Your daughter is getting bullied because no one warned her. That her aunt did porn and then posted a picture with her. The only person I feel bad for is your daughter. Imagine having your entire school talking about your family members doing porn and getting shit about it 24/7. She’s 14 she’s going to lash out because of it. YTA. Your SIL is a grown adult who chooses the adult film industry. I agree, she shouldn’t be judged but she must have anticipated. That someone might recognize her from being in an adult film and that there is a social stigma attached to doing porn.
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Obviously from what your daughter is facing at school. Not Official School Bus Driver Life Sunflower Shirt is so progressively minded about the whole thing. I’m not saying that it’s right but it shouldn’t come as a big surprise. And you, if you are so accepting and supportive of SIL and insistent on your daughter handling this maturely, why didn’t you have a talk with her about what her aunt does for a living way before this all happened? Maybe she wouldn’t have posted the picture and had to find out and deal with it via trial by fire via classmates circulating videos of her aunt at school. Your daughter did not pick to be involved in this, did not accept the consequences of being bullied at school for the fallout.
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And should not be expected to Official School Bus Driver Life Sunflower Shirt take the higher ground. And fend off all her harassers at school without internalizing anything. She’s 14. Kids can be so vulnerable at that age and classmates can be so utterly brutal. YTA for making this post primarily about your SIL’s feelings and “privacy” and not really thinking about what your young teenage daughter is going through. Your husband is taking the much more evenhanded approach (no she shouldn’t have used that language) but you should both be supporting her through the bullying and working with her more gently through this.