Dear Journal, today I abandoned my dying baby so that it wouldn’t infect the rest of us. But then some humans brought it back and we’re all going to die now. Dear journal, today I got tricked by a baby possum into bringing it to a nearby family so that it could eat the entire family. So the real solution to the Nice Im A Food Serving Mom And Proud Of It Shirt problem is education. Teach the animals basic math skills so they can break the cycle. I’m tired of these humans saying we all look like. I don’t think they are ever rabid if I’m not mistaken. They can’t carry rabies.
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Living in an apartment years ago, a possum was playing dead In my parking space for unknown reasons. My Ethiopian neighbor happened to walk out and find him. Wondering why he had taken such an interest in my spot I walked over. For some reason, I just pictured Eddie Murphy in Coming to the Nice Im A Food Serving Mom And Proud Of It Shirt America all dressed up in his king’s clothes. They also snarl and hiss like cats and that’s just a mindfuck that we can’t deal with.
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We fostered an opossum mom who was hurt and her babies for a month or so before letting them go back near our creek. The Nice Im A Food Serving Mom And Proud Of It Shirt hissing is real, but they got used to us after a while. They do have a very distinct, musky smell. In my experience, they smell like ferrets, but the “range” of the smell is much smaller. That was the last straw for me. No more demons in my house. All eyes can do that. It’s just light bouncing off the retina. It’s called the red light reflex. It’s what caused red eyes in pictures.
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