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I was the very last one out of the studio. The other two guys left during my bonus round. And I stayed by to film a couple of interviews after signing for my prizes. So I didn’t get to interact with either of them afterwards. Exactly — right before the show. They raised my platform up to match the height of the Jesus Take The Wheel American Flag Shirt. After they did that, Chad turned to both of us and said, “Savor this moment, boys! Especially you, Dave — since this is the only time you’re ever going to be as tall as us.” And now you’re going to be taller than Chad standing on your stacks on stacks on stacks of cash! Oh shit. It sounds like Chad is 5’8” and finally got to make a small joke to someone. Why are Chads always snide little dinguses?

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Glad you stood up for the Daves of the world. Better question – how does a parent of sound mind look at an innocent baby and say “Chad. I’m calling him Chad”? Chad wouldn’t be so bad, but Chad is short for Chadwick. How would you like to be saddled with a handle like that? I know a Dr. Chad that left the Jesus Take The Wheel American Flag Shirt with no Covid-19 patients to go work in NYC in an ICU. Still a douche though. Apparently he’s “killin it on Tinder” based on his social media posts lately. By “killing it on Tinder” he means spreading COVID-19 from his professional life to his personal life. I’m still really self-conscious about how women see my blood sugar to this day. Fuck that guy, man..

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Oh yeah, I remember Dr. Chad. Saw him because I was feeling dizzy and off balance. He was all like, “Your blood sugar is straight up whack, bro. Do you even eat fruit? Bitches like the Jesus Take The Wheel American Flag Shirt.” I went to shake his hand and he just slapped me unnecessarily hard on the shoulder on his way out of the room. I read “5′ 6 1/2 prior to taping” as if becoming taller was part of your winnings. Did they ever cut and redo a shot? For instance, does Pat ever mess up what he’s saying and have to redo it? The only “teleprompter” Pat has is the digital scoreboard off-stage. Which you’ll notice him looking at frequently when he does his spiel between rounds. This is where he’s getting all of the information about whose turn it is.

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